an eddy in the bitstream

Category: spam (Page 5 of 5)

Have a nice eternity.

Somehow this blog has become a spam hall of shame. I find my amusement where I can. And since this arrives unbidden, might as well enjoy it.

Before its too late make peace with GOD, and make sure the ones you love do also.

You need to pick between a eternity of joy or one of torment.

Accept him.


Get baptized.

And have a nice eternity.

In ablow we can axwise as always casaba alpinely theirfore antodontalgic is arthrorheumatism and anadicrotism.

What I like is that “Repent” comes after “Accept him”.

An eternity of torment would be clicking delete on all the spam I get…

I hereby nominate

this spam as the most entertaining one I’ve gotten yet. Sure, it’s a total scam and a hoax, but the story telling is first-rate and the idiomatic English is very amusing. Look for this line: “the one that makes me to blubber and scuttle away from my dad’s abode is the deposit certificate.” Brilliant. Miss Jane Sandra, my hat is off to you. No doubt some sucker will fall for this and we’ll read about it in the dailies some months from now. After all, it’s hard to resist the damsel in distress, especially when she’s waving $5M.


I am very sorry trying to nuisance you in this my time of necessitate. conversely, I am Miss Jane Sandra Pittman, the only daughter to Mrs. Mary D.F. Pittman, who was the second wife to Mr. Smith D.D Jon Pittman, who was the proprietor of LIGHT GREEN MARINE LTD UK. My mother was conjugal to him on the 6th day of may 1979, providentially Gave birth to me and regrettably no male child. I am 22 years Old and still in the University of Birmingham UK. Here is the website of my school.

I sketched your email From the Internet.

My mother died when I was 2 years old, she died with her unburned baby when she was delivering her 2nd child and my Dad died last month after anguish from long time Cancer, which suffers him for numerous years and lastly killed him last month after prescription. My Dad called his first wife and me with his personal attorney and gave me some of his affluence for my endurance and the rest was given to my stepmother because my Dad’s special doctor has told him in advance that he will not live for the next 5 days.

Instantaneously after the bereavement of my Dad, My step mother and my Dad’s Personal attorney united collectively and distorted almost all the documents that was given to me by my Dad for my durable continued existence. They tainted the documents to the name of her two sons. Now, the one that makes me to blubber and scuttle away from my dad’s abode is the deposit certificate, which was issued to my dad on the day he deposited the sum of 5 000000.00 united state Dollars (five million united state dollars) on the 28 day of September 1999 in a security company Abroad. My dad personally gave the deposit certificate to me in the attendance of my step mother and his personal attorney, they are now trying to take away from me the deposit certificate which is the only paper among the documents that was specified to me for my survival. She is doing all these things to me because of her position in the administration.

Before my dad died, he called me confidentially and told me not to mishandling this 5 000000.00 united state dollars ( (five million united state dollars) because I don’t have any other person who will persevere to take care of me in the prospect. He hence advised me to search for a God fearing person who will aid me to claim this money as soon as I graduated out from the University. But as things stands now, I necessitate to claim this money before my stepmother take away the deposit official document from me and claim the money.

currently, I need your help. I want you to situate as the receiver of this deposited money so that the security company will release the money to you and then you will deposit the money in your personal account there in your country so that I will have some money back from the whole amount and find a way out from UK because if I continue to hang about here, she might decided to slay me just to have the deposit certificate. If you can help me to safe this money in your custody without betraying me, then I can abscond the whole amount of money for you so that you can invest it into business, but that can be under the following circumstances.

(1) You will keep me in your house and extravagance me as your daughter.

(2) You will be providing me with my fabric and monetary needs.

(3) You will subsidize my education to any level I wish to operate.

(4) You will setup a standard health center of my preference as soon as I terminate my educational carriers.

(5) You will build a comfortable house for me where i can stay Independently.

If you are contented with these conditions, you can contact me back. But if you are not happy with these conditions please inform me so that I can straight away search for another person for the assistance.


Miss. Jane Sandra.

Jack Handy

Got this great spam last week. Part of the lastest spam trend: non sequitor emails intended to elicit a reply — just so the spammer will know they hit a real address. It’s like TV: free entertainment delivered right to my screen.

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.”
— Jack Handy



You’ve gotten it too, I know. But I must say, they just get more and more interesting.

Just this morning I got one with the subject line ==Best Online Pharmacy=== — pure spam for sure. When I clicked on it to delete it, I got a glance at the body before it disappeared and I had to retrieve it from the trash. Incredible. It was like 100 of the most cliched hallmark-like one-liners you have ever heard, all run together in a long paragraph. Sure, there was a URL at the beginning to some jibberish site (which I subsequently traced back to China Telecom (is that a real company?) via whois) — but the concept was really smart. Lots of random English phrases, real phrases, that should bypass all but the cruelest spam blockers (as it did mine).

A little excerpt for fun:

They’ll tell you what can’t be done, and why. Then do it. All love shifts and changes. I don’t know if you can be wholeheartedly in love all the time. The Babylon project was our last, best hope for peace. .. It failed. .. But in the year of the Shadow war it became something greater: our last, best hope .. for victory. The year is 2260, the place: Babylon 5.Love is always bestowed as a gift – freely, willingly and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved; we love to love. When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!

I kid you not. That’s some great stuff. It’s like spam magnetic refrigerator poetry.

Update: got another one, same content, but a better subject line: Phermacy you wish.

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